i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
