she was so not down for the gang bang
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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