he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
