I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
