i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize