Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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