I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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