i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
