I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize