Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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