Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
