its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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