Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize