so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
