somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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