I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
