I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
