oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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