When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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