Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
