The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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