I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
