Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
