Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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