So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
