I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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