My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
