I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
