I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
