I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
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