It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
