pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
