Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
