Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
