your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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