OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A+ Viking dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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