You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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