you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize