Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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