i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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