Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
