when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
