Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
