so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
