i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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