If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
