With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
