im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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