His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
