Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
