I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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