Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
