I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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