oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
