I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
