my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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