Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
