Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
