I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
