I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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