How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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