Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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