u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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