my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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