I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
