my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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