my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize