Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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